a bad night

I am just a cigarette and some sleazy jazz music away from a text book definition of a 'dark mood'.

It's all about progress.

And so, I have finished the heats and today the call backs for the first round of Busta Rhyme. (type in Busta Rhyme Newham to find us on You Tube). I have so thoroughly enjoyed meeting all the kids that have come to show us their talent throughout Newham. I'm trying desperately not to sound like a press release or funding document here. But my pleasure is complete and honest. I'm so impressed with them all. From those who have presented us with a fantastic performance to those who have just taken that first step of performing in front of an audience. 

I'm finding it difficult this evening to concentrate on my personal dream of living in France for some time because I have made some invaluable links over the past few weeks. Links with people who are honest and clear in their wish to improve the lives of people in east London. With no alteria motive other than to do good. I just don't understand what I feel right now. I'm determined to go to France and do something for myself. But I'm starting to think that once I'm back from France I will return to Newham in whatever capacity people will have me, in order to carry on the work that I have started. Perhaps my conscience gets in the way of me doing what I think I should do for myself...what that is I just don't know. 

Have you ever noticed that conscience has the word 'science' in. In fact if you analyse the way that word is made up it is: con, meaning 'with' and 'science' meaning thought. With thought. Our conscience, is our thought. But there are thoughts that each human being have that they would not assign to their 'conscience'. 

Arg, I've drunk too much wine and I'm getting too philosophical and should stop now. Tomorrow I may think differently. I just don't know.

bullet holes in the window

This past couple of weeks I've been touring round the youth centre of Newham judging a singing/mc talent search called Busta Rhyme. Each centre and each group of kids have been so different. 

Today I was judging in the Youth House in Canning Town (one of the less desirable areas of Newham should we say). Along my travels I've met some angry kids taking everything out in their music. I expected due to the demographics to this youth centre that this would be where I would meet the most angry of children. I arrived at the centre in plenty of time and the first thing that I noticed was the thick iron bars on not only external windows and doors, but also on internal ones! I then sat down in the room that was being set up for judging which was smelling of drying paint and hadn't got a proper floor down. (Is this really how we want our youth centers to look?) I then looked at the window next to the judges table and low and behold in the reinforced glass were two very clear bullet holes. 

To my great happy surprise every child that came and auditioned had wonderful energy, every one had a great presentation for us, and every mc had positive and progressive lyrics. 

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. 

filmage

This is one of my favourite films. Mainly for the acting and the cruelty which Lambert Wilson is excellent at executing. I think more people should know this film. 

what weekends are

For me it is sometimes a rare occasion that on a Sunday night I sit down and feel satisfied with my weekend. As it happens I achieved a wonderful weekend full of food, film, sun and people watching. 

I spent my weekend enjoying London. Oxford street being glorious early in the morning with the sun shining. Clapham common being even better with groups of friends sprawled out across the grass occasionally being assaulted by a frizbee, football or over excited puppy. I did however spend a little time out of the sun watching Sex And The City in the cinema. Though the film has faults, I really really enjoyed it. The fault predominantly was the pacing of the film. It sometimes felt a little awkward. But it was still wonderful to see the girls back together for one last shooting. 

education

I work in education, but on the outskirts. I don't work in a school nor for the government and policy making machines, I work for a charity teaching music. As such I keep half an eye on what the government is doing with education and where it thinks it's priorities should be. The latest thing I've heard about is about adult learning. 

In England, 56% of adults have literacy skills below the level of a good GCSE while for maths the figure is 75%. 

Now, I knew it was bad, but thinking back to those horrible days of GCSEs I don't remember the level being so high that half of the population couldn't learn the skills needed to pass the exam and retain the skills for later in life. It worries me that as a population we do not put a great deal of emphasis on what the government calls 'life long learning'. Since leaving school a few years ago, I've not yet stopped studying something. I did go to university, but only for  a limited amount of time, after that I have been working full time and studying part time. 

Have so many people forgotten the joy achieved when you finally understand something you didn't understand  before?

this is england

A few days ago I recorded 'This is England' which was being advertised persistently on FilmFour. I made the mistake of watching it with other people in the room. There are films to watch with people as a social thing, and then there are films to watch by yourself. 'This is England' was the later of the two. Simply because of the subject matter, it's difficult for people to watch with another in the room and not pass comment on the demographics of it all. 

That having been said, I think the film had some very fine points, though it could have been a great deal better. As a commentary on Britain, skinheads, Thatcherites etc. it could have been fantastic, but it confused itself. Should the film have concentrated either on the characters or the situation, it would have been a lot more enjoyable to watch. Do I mean enjoyable? Probably not, but I've been at work for 12 hours and my brain is starting to ache. 

new new new

I find myself inexplicably creating a new blog. Previously I have been a loyal owner of a live journal, blogging my weekly/monthly activities consistently, venting my peeves and talking to myself. I created my first blog to get over my fear of letting people read what I have written. Since that fear no longer exists I no longer wish to keep said blog. 

I also suspect this new blog may have something to do with my 'itchy feet'. Every three years I have moved house, changed school, changed job, cut off all my hair, dated women instead of men and visa versa. This latest three year manifests itself in a move from London to Aix-en-Provence in 6 months time. I intend to document this journey here along with other delightful ramblings.