it's all about me

I've been living by myself for the past couple of days, which tends to take me a couple of days to get used to. I often spend the first couple of days not knowing what to do with my time and eating straight from the fridge as opposed to actually cooking myself a meal. 

However, it's been almost a week now of living by myself and it's all got so much better. I've settled into myself again, so much so that for the first time in a long time I'm starting to really feel like me. There are, of course, other factors in this lovely feeling. Firstly, it's the end of term and so I'm feeling relaxed with no more competitions and concerts etc. (just a 4 day summer school). Secondly, and I think this is the main thing actually, I've been going to the gym a lot and now I've started jogging. I feel like I could get as fit as I was when I was at school and cycled everywhere and spent all weekend doing sports. 

Because I feel so much like my old self I'm going to cut off all my hair. Seems like a bit of an odd thing no? But really, I only grow my hair to distract people from how much weight I've put on, so now I'm going to cut it all off and have a really fun hair cut. Such a girly thing, but I don't care, I do it sometimes. 

crawling to the end

And so we are reaching the end of term. I am becoming aware that this is the last end of term i will have at the Academy because come September I will be tidying up all the loose ends in preparation for leaving for France in November. 

Now, my original idea in creating this new blog was to document my journey to France and how things go once I get there. I have not said a great deal about it as not much has happened, but I shall fill in what has so far. 

I've been dutifully studying French as and when I have the opportunity, and as such am feeling a lot more confident about making the most of my language school once I'm there. I've booked a short holiday in Aix to check it out, make sure I like the place and visit the language school. I'll be leaving with N in a week's time for Paris, where we'll be staying for 1 night with friends and then heading down to Aix to camp for 3 nights. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this and N and in the many years we've known each other have never been on a holiday of just the two of us. We've also often talked about Paris and this is the first time we'll be going together, not that either of us are strangers to the city. 

Accommodation wise, I was not going to book this through the language school as it's a little more expensive than I'd want, but I've decided that if it's possible I'll stay with a host family for the first couple of weeks and then find a flat from there. I suppose if gives me the opportunity to actually meet the people I'll live with before I plunge straight ahead. All that I have left to do is have a chat with my gran about how much money she's willing to give me pos. lend me. That's going to be a difficult conversation to have. Not because she doesn't want to give me any money, but because she wants to give me too much and I don't know if I can accept it. 

bust up at the rhymes

haha, I love putting cheesy titles on my blog entries. 

Yesterday was the final for the busta rhyme competition. As I may have mentioned before, all of the young people that got to the final were absolutely great. Each and everyone of them with the ability to produce a great performance. But coming up to the final I was prepairing to judge not on who did the best performance but who had the brightest future ahead of them in music and who had the ability to make the most of the prizes and studio time they would be given. 

Unfortunately I completely and utterly disagree with the choice of finalist. I think out of all of them she has the least ability to pursue music as a career and I don't think she gave the best performance on the day.

I found that I was just plane incensed by the outcome. I've invested so much time in all of the young people and I cannot fathom why she won. It was mainly the two ladies judging from radio 1 and radio 1 extra because the girl had picked a song that the audience would respond to and had coped well with tech difficulties. 

I'm angry because I believe that she will not be a good reflection on the competition and I think every other contestant I would have been happy to see win, apart from her. I really am not saying that she's not a good singer, or anything like that, and in fact she's a lovely lovely girl, she's just not ready yet. 

disappointment sucks

So a few months ago I had a phone call saying I'd been nominated for an invitation to the queen's garden party and needed to pick my guest. As I was surprised that the person had nominated me and not my mother I picked her. I'd been really chuffed that I'd been invited because I tend to work myself to the bone for other and wonder from time to time whether people notice. 

Today, I was at the palace. I deliberately stayed at home instead of going into work to get ready properly. I bought a hat (admittedly quite cheaply) I put on my best dress and headed into Newham to be picked up by the mayor's car and head off to Buckingham Palace. Unfortunately we were going with one of the world's most boring people, but that can't be helped. 

I got to the palace and had a nice wander around the gardens, the military bands were doing a good job. The food was all nice. The palace wasn't at all that amazing, but then I had be at the Windsor Castle state apartments a little while ago and they far outstrip Buckingham palace. 

Then, it was the build up for the the Queen to arrive. This was when I noticed the enclosed 'royal tea tent'. It appeared there was a hierarchical system with the guests. A friend of mine appeared to be in the royal enclosure. Unsurprisingly as she's the Queen's chaplain, but I just feel it plain wrong that there is a hierarchy of guests. 

I'm angry that I was invited to the palace as an acknowledgment of my hard work only for feel like I was one of 'the little people'.

long weekends of love

Monday morning in the office and I'm still wearing a black lace cocktail dress and a white jacket stolen from a friend. I've already this morning woken up in an area of London I don't know well at all and followed someone through an estate to find the train station and miraculously gotmy way into work before 9 am.

My long weekend of love: oh how I feel like super woman right now.

Friday, I did a radio interview with a local station about the charity I work for. On finding out I'm a vocalist the interviewer asked to hear me sing, I postponed it as long as I could but when the time came I'm pretty damn sure it sounded great even if I say so myself. Shopping in town with Ninny-poof and beautiful dressed (many needing taking in) bought and ready to show off.

Saturday, always going to be a good day. Jazz night preparations in the morning followed by the quarter finals of the Busta Rhyme competition, thankfully next door to where the Jazz night was sound checking. Wow can these kids pull it out of the bag when it counts. Such thorough entertainment. The evening I was comparing the Jazz night with the best dress in the world. It was my first comparing gig, but if any thing's go by from the feed back I'll be getting another gig some time soon. I loved the rush of ad libbing the entire thing. I don't see how it's possible to script these things anyway. There are too many anomalies to cope with. From Jazz night to a friend's house party with lovely lovely people...what a day.

Sunday, very sleepily I found myself back at Stratford for the Semi finals. Thinking I'd had a long day yesterday, but oh no, Trevor trumped me. He'd only got home at 7 am in order to change is clothes have a shower and head out. He'd gone straight out to Soho for Pride after we'd finished the quarter finals. What a man. The kids doing the competition surpassed everything I could have expected of them at the Semis taking me on the biggest emotional roller coaster I've been on since I can remember. I laughed, I cried, my jaw was touching the floor with shock and sheer joy.

My feet haven't hit the ground yet and I don't intend on letting them.

I'm superwoman and I'm in love with life.

suited booted and ready to go

It is 9:48 hours and I am getting all set to raise some money. The past months has been spent in a mad rush to get invites out, haggle with printers and caterers and phone any company that might have anything to do with charities in the East End. And now, here we are, the drinks reception is happening this evening. I have about 40/50 people coming. Including large companies with Billions of pounds at their disposal. 

I don't expect that at the end of the evening to have a pile of cheques all written out to Newham Music Trust. But I do hope that we will be gaining some very valuable supporters that may just make life a little bit easier for us all. 

How odd it will feel tomorrow when this is all done and I've only got a few other million things to get done before the end of term.