loneliness vs self improvement

As much as I like having no stress to deal with and no work to think about even when I'm 'at work' I'm struggling a little. 

I don't know what to do with my time. Considering how much I value that elusive thing 'time', I'm worried by my desire to let it pass. The people I have met are all good people but as I said to N, I think they will get a little boring after a while. They are all only slightly grown up skaters. 

I know with every minute I spend with the family my language skills are improving. 

I know that I appreciate the time in the valley in it's beautiful streets, but there's only so much I can do there. 

I know there must be some very interesting people here, I'm just waiting and trying to find them. 

Each day I have at least 3 hours which feel like I'm in a waiting room letting time pass. 

With time comes opportunities. So far these opportunities grasped are language improvement and ukulele playing. The next thing on my list is to learn a few character songs from victorian music halls. I think there are some long forgotten greats of the 1890s-1930s that I would like to revive with the help of P in Prague if he's up for it. 

3 weeks later

I'm still here. 

I've been here 3 weeks now and it seems like no time at all. At first the days were going really slowly and I was trying to work out what to do with my time. Now there resort it open, I have skis and have had a couple of refresher lessons it's all flying by. Today is Christmas Eve and the family is up in Lille with the grandparents with G the youngest will be staying for 15 days. 

I've been hanging around in the resort loads and have made a fair few friends, mainly with those that are working here for the season in the bars or the chalets. They all work long hours and all want my job with only 20/25 hours a week at most. It's certainly an easy one. Though I'm finding it a little difficult to get used to the children. After Newham where all the kids are a little bruised by life and tend to need me for something or other, these kids are completely different. I definitely get the impression that they just put up with me until their parents come home. 

I am getting on really well with the middle child A because I think he is a little lonely sometimes and just wants someone to play games with. Yesterday we were playing with their darts board (oh my am I bad at that). 

I'm confused by my lack of Christmas spirit. I finally have a guarenteed white Christmas with Christmas trees and lights all over the place but all I'm set to do is sit around in the bar that I've found with wifi and good people. I never really have been much for the whole obligatory celebration stuff so I'll just meet up have a few drinks and a few friends and take the night from there. 

The skiing is good at the moment and after a few more lessons I'll feel like I'm back into it properly. With all this spare time on my hands I feel like I should be doing something constructive but right now I'm just fannying around. Give it a month and I'll actually start doing stuff, honestly. 

bourg-saint-maurice

First of all I am using a french keyboard and have a 2 year old playing on the sofa, so bare with me.

Well guess what, I have arrived in the strange new world which is b-s-m. I am now the aupair to 3 small children called G aged 2, A aged 7 and T aged 10. As I predicted from the photos T is a very serious boy and spends a lot of his time minding G and only laughed when he plays with him. A was instantly affectionate with me and bath time was very amusing. His mother looked a little embarrased, aparently she wasn't expecting him to run around the house naked 30 mins after I arrived.

The father Ch is a doctor at the hospital so I have not seen much off him, it also makes my hours a little different each day. The mother Cl is very nice but also quite serious. Hopefully once my french emproves I will get them all laughing a bit more.

I'm not actually living in the town: the family house is 10 minutes dive from the strip of shops which constitutes the town, and my apartment is even further away, further up the valley. Because I'm an idiot, I bought my camera but have no means to take the photos off it! Let me just say the village is stunning and very old. No cars are allowed in the village so you must leave it in a little car park outside. All the buildings are squashed in together to conserve the heat.

My appartment is in the back of a house owned by a family friend S. She has wifi, so soon I will be back to the land of the internet and an English keyboard, where it doesn't take me for ever to type. The apartment is all new so very warm with the best invention of them all, underfloor heating, though I'm yet to achieve hot water. This morning I managed to wash by heating some water in the microwave and using a little saucepan to tip water over my head.

It will be time soon for my friends to come and visit me and bring me all the things I forgot to pack. (I have beds free for 5 extra people in my apartment)

Oh also, I haven't seen a mountain yet as it has been snowing since I arrived and has been very foggy. The locals are starting to sound like the english, remarking on the weather at every given oportunity!

alps it is then

Well, the family got back to me and I'm all set to head off to Bourg Saint Maurice for the 10th December. I finished work 2 days ago and now have all the bits and pieces to do before I leave. The main thing of course is to get the travel booked. 

By the law of Sod, the direct train doesn't start running until 10 days after I need to arrive. I am going to have to take a train to Paris and then either another 2 trains after that, or I will hire a car from Paris. I'm very tempted to hire a car and take the long drive down. I should think it will be quite beautiful. 

Of course, now that it comes to booking the tickets, I'm fannying around on my blog as opposed to just getting on with it. So, I'm going to finish her and get those tickets booked. 

here we go

Today is the beginning of my last week at work. I have piles of papers on my desk, piles of files on my computer and only a smidgen of time. I think come tomorrow I'll kick start my clearing of everything and filing away all the work I've done in the past 3 years. 

And on my progress in getting to France. Last week it all went a little topsy turvy. I was about to book my plane and train tickets and then received and email from the aupair website. Having not heard back from a stables that was going to phone me and then didn't, I'd given up on the idea of finding an aupair position as interesting so stopped looking. Anyway, I received the email and thought, hey I might as well have a look. The family that has expressed interest lives in a village in the alps right next to a large ski resort. So yes, should they finally manage to phone me and all goes well, I shall actually be in Bourg-St-Maurice for 4-5 before I head to Aix.

I'm trying desperately not to get my hopes up as life has a habit of kicking me in the teeth when I do that, I'm trying instead to be quietly confident. 

connecting to a spirit.

Last night I performed the role of Galatea in Handel's Acis and Galatea. For those who are not familiar with what that last sentence means it's a early english opera, heavy on the solos with not that many pieces for the chorus, a good piece of music in places. 

Can you hear my lack of enthusiasm? 

I have been discovering all sorts of things about 'my style' and how I feel about all sorts of things in the world. To add to the whole list of realisations over the past few months I had another one last night stood in a church in East Ham with my full length black velvet ball gown singing Galatea with a large number of my colleges accompanying. I do not connect to this style of English music, and believe me I have been trying to find something I love about it.

A few weeks ago I sang at the staff concert. I sang a beautiful Bellini aria from Monticetti e Capuletti (romeo and juliet) and even though I completely lost my way half way through, I was wearing scruffy clothes and had been sat in the office all day before hand, I felt elated. 

claiming a hero

I have been house bound for a few days with flu or something that has knocked any kind of strength out of me and as such I have been spending quality time with search engines and the like. I decided to type in 'famous lesbians' into google to see what was bought up. (no porn on the first page as normally happens when you type in 'lesbian [anything]' into a search engine). 

Every community has it's heros and whilst homosexuality is marginalised by 'mainstream culture' it will of course have it's own 'community'. 

I came across a list of 'famous lesbians' with links to pages about each person on said list. It really wasn't terribly long, but it was very wide in it's scope. The list being alphabetical was not obvious in it's preferred type of 'famous lesbian'. However, I did find that, whilst it was celebrating some pioneering women who indeed were or are lesbians, it also was desperately trying to take women from popular culture who'd kissed a woman on screen or 'dabbled in is for a bit' as lesbians. 

As you can see I titled this entry 'claiming a hero'. Within the space of a blog entry, or indeed within my understanding of the history of lesbianism I cannot fully explain my point, but here goes. 

It is my understanding of 'communities' that depending on times and aspirations, they use icons of the community to help 'mainstream culture' to discover things about said community. Amongst the names were women such as Barbara Jordan, an extraordinary woman working in the American political system in the 1970s and Frida Khalo who I hope needs no introduction as a fantastic bisexual painter born in Mexico. I also found in the list and another list a couple of items down in google, people such as Paris Hilton, practically the whole cast of the L-word, whether they've ever slept with a woman or not and Nelly Furtado, to name but a few.

Whilst I understand intellectually that a young girl trying to come out may find it comforting that some of their much admired celebrities 'kissed a girl and liked it'. (I say intellectually as I was one of those rare young lesbian girls that never really had to come out, and I understand my privilege in this situation). I wonder at this incessant claiming of each woman as a hero for the lesbian community. I wonder if someone could shed light on how claiming Paris Hilton as a lesbian, or at least a woman attracted to other women, will help any of us or our community at all. 

neglect

Yes , I have totally neglected this blog that I started to keep me on track with all the things I'm meant to be doing. Well, time is ticking by and I haven't started revising for my management test. I still have nowhere to live and I haven't booked my language course. 

Some of this has a reason. Okay so the lac of revision, no excuse, I just haven't done it. But I will, honestly. 

Nowhere to live...not my fault, I'm spending every spare moment online trying to find a flat in Aix. Because this is going so slow I've decided to sign up to a few aupair agencies. I figure if I can get a position for a few months, that will give me time to sort everything else out. I hope. 

But now that I've given myself all these extra options, none of the are yielding a roof over my head for when I reach france. ARGGGGGGG.

No, no stressing, the whole point of moving to france is to stop my incessant stressing and planing and being sensible from day to day. It will work out, even if I end up staying at the citadine hotel for a few weeks, it'll work out. Yes. 

time takes time

It is now 2 months until I leave my job and 2 and a half months until I leave the country. Just as time can seem to vanish without us noticing, it can also stretch out like the longest running track at school during a sports lesson you don't want to be at. I'm finding my last 2 months is sat in the middle of these two points. I have piles of things to do before I go and I haven't really started that many of them. For one I'm still yet to go and visit my grandmother and see how much money she's willing to give me. Then I have to book onto my language course, find somewhere to live and work out all the rest of that sort of business. It's getting terribly official and just a little be scary now. I'll be plonking myself in a country I don't know terribly well, in a language I only sort of speak, completely on my own with no plans and probably not quite enough money to stay there for my ideal 6 months. 

Right now I still have my certificate in management that I'm a month away from completing, an opera in front of me that I'm meant to  be learning and a wedding I'm meant to be learning all sorts of things for and booking a string quartet. I think maybe these 2 months are just going to vanish before my eyes. 

I should also actually officially resign from my job. I've told them I'm leaving but I haven't picked an actual date, not have I officially resigned...hmmm must remember to do that. 

Aix, je t'aime plus

Yes I know I said I'd write about Aix and then I forgot and then I was busy and only now am I remembering that I said I'd do it. 

So let's pick up where I left off from the last post a month ago:

N and I arrived in Aix far too late, managed to get into the hotel and sat down for a drink with a mixture of english, spanish, australian and french people in the hotel courtyard and stole a load of their wine. Those these people were not locals to Aix, they did work in Marsaille and were my first introduction to the area. It was definitely a good introduction as they were all very lovely and friendly and made every effort for us to feel at home. 

The next morning we obviously set out for the centre of town. Now as I'd only booked the hotel all of 5 hours before leaving for Paris, I didn't really pay attention to how close to the centre it was. It turned out to be a 25 minute walk which I don't mind at all. 

My first impressions of Aix after being in Paris went along the lines of: This place is too small, too quiet, what will I do whilst I'm here etc. And then, as we were wandering through the streets we heard some music, so we followed it. In a side street in the old town was a group of musicians going by the name 'gettabang'. They were exciting, lively, lovely and happy. They provided the soundtrack for the next two days along with another group of musicians playing some trad jazz. One evening we bumped into yet another group of musicians doing some kinda jazz funk kinda stuff. It was on the first day however, sat on the fountain with some bread, olives listening to one of the bands watching BEAUTIFUL women sauntering by, families meeting other families for drinks and dinner etc. All I could think is this is the perfect place to stage my adventure, to find new people and to slow down. I think maybe the important thing there is 'slow down'. I know that if I were in Paris I would not do this, I'd be running around from one thing to another, from one side of the city to another, when what I really want to do is wake up in the morning, go to my local bakery for breakfast, head to school for a few language lessons, sit in the afternoon looking over what I've learnt so far, have a drink with friends in the evening and then get up and do it again. I don't want to feel stressed ever again. (This is and unrealistic ideal, but I can try and do it for at least 6 months).

So yes, that was Aix, and I love it, and I'm counting the weeks before I'm there. 

I'm so ready for it now. 

paris je t'aime.

So, I have just returned from my little holiday with N. We went first of all to Paris, hung around on Paris Plage, drank beer, watched the sun set etc... we then stayed with a friend of N's in a little Paris suburb. First observation, Paris suburbs are NOTHING like London ones. It was just like being in a little village, only it had access to the centre of Paris within 30 minutes on the RER. We were laden with food and then off we went to sleep ready to a miniature hunt the next day.

Our hunt the next day first thing was actually for the coffee as insanely the people we stayed with had a lot more tea and it took us 20 minutes to find where the coffee was kept. The real hunt started after we got to the centre of Paris. We were determined to find Shakespeare and Company bookshop extrodinaire. I know my way around Paris very well and with Hemingway and his Movable Feast we found it, and it was good (apart from the irritating Americans doing the 'soaking up the culture via the guide book thing'.

Once we had found Shakespeare and Co. we were satisfied, we headed off to Gare de Nord ready to board our train to Aix, we were early and so went and sat at a café for a beer. We then looked at the tickets and realised that in fact we needed to be at Gare de Lyon. Off we sauntered to Gare de Lyon only to arrive 4 minutes after it's departure. Oh well, these things happen, so I went and bought some new tickets for a train leaving in an hour's time so off we trotted to a café to have a bit of food and wine. We sat in full view of the station clock and according to it, left with 15 minutes to get onto the platform. When we got into the station we realised we in fact had about 5 minutes. So we stopped sauntering and trotting, we ran. We ran up to the platform; the train was still there, we ran along the platform to the nearest door; the train left. 

We'd missed another one. 

So we went to the ticket office, and waited in line. The woman saw our ticket, refunded it, looked at us though she severely doubted we would be able to get on a train ever, told us the last TGV leaving today was leaving in 5 minutes told us which platform and so we ran. By miracles of all miracles we got on the train, found out seats and promptly got more wine to console us with our stupidity. 

I was all ready to take these difficulties as a sign that perhaps I should move to Paris and not Aix, it's obvious that subconsciously there's something stopping me from leaving Paris. (I do really love the place).

Anyway, we got to Aix, and to our hotel (miles too late) but the night security guard let us in and so we unloaded and went to sit downstairs in the courtyard for a bit. This is where we met some lovely friendly people who have us some chateau neuf de pap. Oh how terrible that was. 

The next day was Aix...I shall write about that later on. 

it's all about me

I've been living by myself for the past couple of days, which tends to take me a couple of days to get used to. I often spend the first couple of days not knowing what to do with my time and eating straight from the fridge as opposed to actually cooking myself a meal. 

However, it's been almost a week now of living by myself and it's all got so much better. I've settled into myself again, so much so that for the first time in a long time I'm starting to really feel like me. There are, of course, other factors in this lovely feeling. Firstly, it's the end of term and so I'm feeling relaxed with no more competitions and concerts etc. (just a 4 day summer school). Secondly, and I think this is the main thing actually, I've been going to the gym a lot and now I've started jogging. I feel like I could get as fit as I was when I was at school and cycled everywhere and spent all weekend doing sports. 

Because I feel so much like my old self I'm going to cut off all my hair. Seems like a bit of an odd thing no? But really, I only grow my hair to distract people from how much weight I've put on, so now I'm going to cut it all off and have a really fun hair cut. Such a girly thing, but I don't care, I do it sometimes. 

crawling to the end

And so we are reaching the end of term. I am becoming aware that this is the last end of term i will have at the Academy because come September I will be tidying up all the loose ends in preparation for leaving for France in November. 

Now, my original idea in creating this new blog was to document my journey to France and how things go once I get there. I have not said a great deal about it as not much has happened, but I shall fill in what has so far. 

I've been dutifully studying French as and when I have the opportunity, and as such am feeling a lot more confident about making the most of my language school once I'm there. I've booked a short holiday in Aix to check it out, make sure I like the place and visit the language school. I'll be leaving with N in a week's time for Paris, where we'll be staying for 1 night with friends and then heading down to Aix to camp for 3 nights. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this and N and in the many years we've known each other have never been on a holiday of just the two of us. We've also often talked about Paris and this is the first time we'll be going together, not that either of us are strangers to the city. 

Accommodation wise, I was not going to book this through the language school as it's a little more expensive than I'd want, but I've decided that if it's possible I'll stay with a host family for the first couple of weeks and then find a flat from there. I suppose if gives me the opportunity to actually meet the people I'll live with before I plunge straight ahead. All that I have left to do is have a chat with my gran about how much money she's willing to give me pos. lend me. That's going to be a difficult conversation to have. Not because she doesn't want to give me any money, but because she wants to give me too much and I don't know if I can accept it. 

bust up at the rhymes

haha, I love putting cheesy titles on my blog entries. 

Yesterday was the final for the busta rhyme competition. As I may have mentioned before, all of the young people that got to the final were absolutely great. Each and everyone of them with the ability to produce a great performance. But coming up to the final I was prepairing to judge not on who did the best performance but who had the brightest future ahead of them in music and who had the ability to make the most of the prizes and studio time they would be given. 

Unfortunately I completely and utterly disagree with the choice of finalist. I think out of all of them she has the least ability to pursue music as a career and I don't think she gave the best performance on the day.

I found that I was just plane incensed by the outcome. I've invested so much time in all of the young people and I cannot fathom why she won. It was mainly the two ladies judging from radio 1 and radio 1 extra because the girl had picked a song that the audience would respond to and had coped well with tech difficulties. 

I'm angry because I believe that she will not be a good reflection on the competition and I think every other contestant I would have been happy to see win, apart from her. I really am not saying that she's not a good singer, or anything like that, and in fact she's a lovely lovely girl, she's just not ready yet. 

disappointment sucks

So a few months ago I had a phone call saying I'd been nominated for an invitation to the queen's garden party and needed to pick my guest. As I was surprised that the person had nominated me and not my mother I picked her. I'd been really chuffed that I'd been invited because I tend to work myself to the bone for other and wonder from time to time whether people notice. 

Today, I was at the palace. I deliberately stayed at home instead of going into work to get ready properly. I bought a hat (admittedly quite cheaply) I put on my best dress and headed into Newham to be picked up by the mayor's car and head off to Buckingham Palace. Unfortunately we were going with one of the world's most boring people, but that can't be helped. 

I got to the palace and had a nice wander around the gardens, the military bands were doing a good job. The food was all nice. The palace wasn't at all that amazing, but then I had be at the Windsor Castle state apartments a little while ago and they far outstrip Buckingham palace. 

Then, it was the build up for the the Queen to arrive. This was when I noticed the enclosed 'royal tea tent'. It appeared there was a hierarchical system with the guests. A friend of mine appeared to be in the royal enclosure. Unsurprisingly as she's the Queen's chaplain, but I just feel it plain wrong that there is a hierarchy of guests. 

I'm angry that I was invited to the palace as an acknowledgment of my hard work only for feel like I was one of 'the little people'.

long weekends of love

Monday morning in the office and I'm still wearing a black lace cocktail dress and a white jacket stolen from a friend. I've already this morning woken up in an area of London I don't know well at all and followed someone through an estate to find the train station and miraculously gotmy way into work before 9 am.

My long weekend of love: oh how I feel like super woman right now.

Friday, I did a radio interview with a local station about the charity I work for. On finding out I'm a vocalist the interviewer asked to hear me sing, I postponed it as long as I could but when the time came I'm pretty damn sure it sounded great even if I say so myself. Shopping in town with Ninny-poof and beautiful dressed (many needing taking in) bought and ready to show off.

Saturday, always going to be a good day. Jazz night preparations in the morning followed by the quarter finals of the Busta Rhyme competition, thankfully next door to where the Jazz night was sound checking. Wow can these kids pull it out of the bag when it counts. Such thorough entertainment. The evening I was comparing the Jazz night with the best dress in the world. It was my first comparing gig, but if any thing's go by from the feed back I'll be getting another gig some time soon. I loved the rush of ad libbing the entire thing. I don't see how it's possible to script these things anyway. There are too many anomalies to cope with. From Jazz night to a friend's house party with lovely lovely people...what a day.

Sunday, very sleepily I found myself back at Stratford for the Semi finals. Thinking I'd had a long day yesterday, but oh no, Trevor trumped me. He'd only got home at 7 am in order to change is clothes have a shower and head out. He'd gone straight out to Soho for Pride after we'd finished the quarter finals. What a man. The kids doing the competition surpassed everything I could have expected of them at the Semis taking me on the biggest emotional roller coaster I've been on since I can remember. I laughed, I cried, my jaw was touching the floor with shock and sheer joy.

My feet haven't hit the ground yet and I don't intend on letting them.

I'm superwoman and I'm in love with life.

suited booted and ready to go

It is 9:48 hours and I am getting all set to raise some money. The past months has been spent in a mad rush to get invites out, haggle with printers and caterers and phone any company that might have anything to do with charities in the East End. And now, here we are, the drinks reception is happening this evening. I have about 40/50 people coming. Including large companies with Billions of pounds at their disposal. 

I don't expect that at the end of the evening to have a pile of cheques all written out to Newham Music Trust. But I do hope that we will be gaining some very valuable supporters that may just make life a little bit easier for us all. 

How odd it will feel tomorrow when this is all done and I've only got a few other million things to get done before the end of term. 

a bad night

I am just a cigarette and some sleazy jazz music away from a text book definition of a 'dark mood'.

It's all about progress.

And so, I have finished the heats and today the call backs for the first round of Busta Rhyme. (type in Busta Rhyme Newham to find us on You Tube). I have so thoroughly enjoyed meeting all the kids that have come to show us their talent throughout Newham. I'm trying desperately not to sound like a press release or funding document here. But my pleasure is complete and honest. I'm so impressed with them all. From those who have presented us with a fantastic performance to those who have just taken that first step of performing in front of an audience. 

I'm finding it difficult this evening to concentrate on my personal dream of living in France for some time because I have made some invaluable links over the past few weeks. Links with people who are honest and clear in their wish to improve the lives of people in east London. With no alteria motive other than to do good. I just don't understand what I feel right now. I'm determined to go to France and do something for myself. But I'm starting to think that once I'm back from France I will return to Newham in whatever capacity people will have me, in order to carry on the work that I have started. Perhaps my conscience gets in the way of me doing what I think I should do for myself...what that is I just don't know. 

Have you ever noticed that conscience has the word 'science' in. In fact if you analyse the way that word is made up it is: con, meaning 'with' and 'science' meaning thought. With thought. Our conscience, is our thought. But there are thoughts that each human being have that they would not assign to their 'conscience'. 

Arg, I've drunk too much wine and I'm getting too philosophical and should stop now. Tomorrow I may think differently. I just don't know.

bullet holes in the window

This past couple of weeks I've been touring round the youth centre of Newham judging a singing/mc talent search called Busta Rhyme. Each centre and each group of kids have been so different. 

Today I was judging in the Youth House in Canning Town (one of the less desirable areas of Newham should we say). Along my travels I've met some angry kids taking everything out in their music. I expected due to the demographics to this youth centre that this would be where I would meet the most angry of children. I arrived at the centre in plenty of time and the first thing that I noticed was the thick iron bars on not only external windows and doors, but also on internal ones! I then sat down in the room that was being set up for judging which was smelling of drying paint and hadn't got a proper floor down. (Is this really how we want our youth centers to look?) I then looked at the window next to the judges table and low and behold in the reinforced glass were two very clear bullet holes. 

To my great happy surprise every child that came and auditioned had wonderful energy, every one had a great presentation for us, and every mc had positive and progressive lyrics. 

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. 

filmage

This is one of my favourite films. Mainly for the acting and the cruelty which Lambert Wilson is excellent at executing. I think more people should know this film. 

what weekends are

For me it is sometimes a rare occasion that on a Sunday night I sit down and feel satisfied with my weekend. As it happens I achieved a wonderful weekend full of food, film, sun and people watching. 

I spent my weekend enjoying London. Oxford street being glorious early in the morning with the sun shining. Clapham common being even better with groups of friends sprawled out across the grass occasionally being assaulted by a frizbee, football or over excited puppy. I did however spend a little time out of the sun watching Sex And The City in the cinema. Though the film has faults, I really really enjoyed it. The fault predominantly was the pacing of the film. It sometimes felt a little awkward. But it was still wonderful to see the girls back together for one last shooting. 

education

I work in education, but on the outskirts. I don't work in a school nor for the government and policy making machines, I work for a charity teaching music. As such I keep half an eye on what the government is doing with education and where it thinks it's priorities should be. The latest thing I've heard about is about adult learning. 

In England, 56% of adults have literacy skills below the level of a good GCSE while for maths the figure is 75%. 

Now, I knew it was bad, but thinking back to those horrible days of GCSEs I don't remember the level being so high that half of the population couldn't learn the skills needed to pass the exam and retain the skills for later in life. It worries me that as a population we do not put a great deal of emphasis on what the government calls 'life long learning'. Since leaving school a few years ago, I've not yet stopped studying something. I did go to university, but only for  a limited amount of time, after that I have been working full time and studying part time. 

Have so many people forgotten the joy achieved when you finally understand something you didn't understand  before?

this is england

A few days ago I recorded 'This is England' which was being advertised persistently on FilmFour. I made the mistake of watching it with other people in the room. There are films to watch with people as a social thing, and then there are films to watch by yourself. 'This is England' was the later of the two. Simply because of the subject matter, it's difficult for people to watch with another in the room and not pass comment on the demographics of it all. 

That having been said, I think the film had some very fine points, though it could have been a great deal better. As a commentary on Britain, skinheads, Thatcherites etc. it could have been fantastic, but it confused itself. Should the film have concentrated either on the characters or the situation, it would have been a lot more enjoyable to watch. Do I mean enjoyable? Probably not, but I've been at work for 12 hours and my brain is starting to ache. 

new new new

I find myself inexplicably creating a new blog. Previously I have been a loyal owner of a live journal, blogging my weekly/monthly activities consistently, venting my peeves and talking to myself. I created my first blog to get over my fear of letting people read what I have written. Since that fear no longer exists I no longer wish to keep said blog. 

I also suspect this new blog may have something to do with my 'itchy feet'. Every three years I have moved house, changed school, changed job, cut off all my hair, dated women instead of men and visa versa. This latest three year manifests itself in a move from London to Aix-en-Provence in 6 months time. I intend to document this journey here along with other delightful ramblings.