it all comes at once

Last week was one of the most hectic weeks I've had for a long time. It started with my first week of lectures and seminars, of which I had not done the reading, quelle suprise. I really do love Goldsmiths, and 3 our of my 4 modules I have to take this year are truly exciting. I certainly feel I have picked the right course, finally, though I'm already itching to do the MA in Gender and Culture studies, but I've got at least 3 year to wait before I can have the pleasure. Also let's face it, who expects me to keep on track for that long, with my past history of fickleness.

Anyway that was only the beginning of the week. Tuesday was my first introduction to the feminist society at Goldsmiths. It left me hitting my head against a brick wall despairing that it seemed there had been no progression in the minds of these young women and they seemed to be stuck on the second wave feminism of the early 80s. I'm am still hoping that this was just as a reaction to two badly chosen short films and indeed they were better after the discussion the next day on 'where are all the women in art'. Though I wasn't pleased to be subjected to a bizarre documentary with Tracey Emin.

Wednesday came along and it was the first of the two funerals I attended last week. This one was the funeral for a truly great woman who I had the honour to know and to sing for on a number of occasions including her funeral. Marjorie Helps, who was as old labour as anyone I can think of, who worked tirelessly until health inhibited her, who in her last week in hospital, still in full command of her thoughts was saying 'I tried my best for Newham', who without I would not have my job and many would not have any musical education, was laid to rest on Wednesday. The lady was dignified until her last. I sang 'London Pride' through a very thick cold and I'm pretty damn sure she'd have been very pleased to hear it.

By Thursday I was being hassled by the charity I've volunteered to help with fundraising for because I'm a little behind getting their fundraising material ready, but in the circumstances I asked for forgiveness and made no deadline promise, but hopefully will get a lot done next Tuesday.

Friday was by far the most difficult one. Friday was the second funeral of the week and it was the funeral of my dear friend's Dad. He helped me a great deal when I first moved back to London. He took me on holiday to Slovakia, he showed me how to dance by grabbing hold of me and spinning me round his living-room, he called me his other daughter until his new wife went all loopy loo and banned me from the house because she thought I was having an affair with him because I laughed at his jokes. I hadn't seen him for a few years even though I knew he was ill. I hadn't been to the house for many years because after she moved in all soul was scrubbed away and I was no longer welcome. On Friday I returned to the house to support Cas and to say good bye to him, though the Frank I knew left many years ago. I was so proud of Cas at the service, I'd almost forgotten how good a writer she is and the eulogy she read was absolutely perfect. By the end of Friday I was truly wacked and the cold that had been threatening to attack all week finally got me. Since then, apart from a day at work at the academy on Saturday, I've been curled up on a sofa at my parents house. Then returning to my house (which I think of as the hippy uni lodge) I started to do all my work that I need to do before Monday.

And so the week of argggg has finished and now I will try and regain some order. (Though just as the week was finishing I heard that my grandma in Southampton is unwell and we suspect that she had a stroke or something).

I don't wanna do my homework

It has been quite a busy couple of days and I'm so damn tired. It doesn't help that I have hayfever due to the amount of pollen you can actually see falling off the trees. Damn them.

For the past two days at the school we have mainly been working on the past tense. I did expect this, however I did not expect my reaction once we started doing this. On the first day on the first morning, our teacher announced we were to start work on the past tense. My first instinct was to keep my head down, try and understand what I could and hope for the best. However, because I have a big mouth and perhaps the best oral skills in the class I thwarted my own plan. Once we had to all take and active part in changing phrases from the present to the past tense, this is when my bizarre reaction commenced. First came the raised heart rate and the shakes when picking up the paper. I then spent the rest of the morning close to tears and feeling really quite ridiculous.

All I can say is thank you so much Ms Chapman for psychologically damaging me and my ability to speak in the past tense or write in French.

Thankfully today, when expanding on the subject I was a lot more at ease and quite open about just how many mistakes I was likely to be making. However, that does not stop the fact that I really don't want to be doing my homework right now, in fact I could quite happily go to sleep. Who knew school was that tiring.

arg it's hot

Since my last post I have changed my mind and am not going to Italy as I am having too much fun in London.

Also, I have decided on my university and excepted an offer to Goldsmiths to do Sociology and Cultural Studies. I'm so so impatient to get that started but as I have learned oh so well, I cannot hurry up time all by myself.

Also (my my it's been a while since I updated) I have left the Alps and am now as I type in a very brightly coloured room in Aix en Provence. I arrived here yesterday evening after a long train journey across the country with a very heavy and without my ipod (idiot that I am). So far it has been a mixture of the bizare, the beautiful and the interesting.

The bizare is the lady with who I am staying. She is a 62 year old French lady whom has lived here most of her life, her family has flown the nest but I know nothing of the husband, she has not mentioned him. She has however mentioned over a salad last night all of her ailments and the experience of bad food poisoning in Tunisia. In fact I know far too much about her bodily functions I'm considering making an 'over share' sign to have with me everytime she opens her mouth. She also spent a great deal of time telling me of the terrible experience she had with the girl that stayed with her last summer. So all in all a good welcome!

The beautiful is of course the city. I still feel that one day I would be most happy living here, even if it were for a limited time. So many attractive women, so many bars, so many fountains and a very relaxed atmosphere. I'm off out again this evening to have dinner with a guy called Chris who is in my class. He seems quite an interesting chap.

The other interesting is the school. They're lovely and friendly and I feel my French is going to come on quite quickly. According to the woman that assessed my oral skills I have to think a little more before I speak as at the moment I'm rather lazy. I have also developed the skill of avoiding the past tense like the plague. We had homework today so Chris and I decided to go to a bar and do it over a drink, it certainly made it much easier.

Anyway, that was my quick catch up post, and I promise to start putting things of slightly more interest up from now on. I just felt I should fill in the gaps a little.

italy here I come

I got an email a couple of weeks ago from an Italian family who are looking for an aupair for a month from mid June to mid July. I ummed and ahhed a bit as I do with any decision, but in the end emailed back telling them a little more about me and the fact that my Italian is little to none. I didn't hear back from them for ages and so had presumed it was a dead end, until this evening. Well it seems the wish to offer me the job and I've decided to take it. I will get back from my language course in Provence at the beginning of June and have 1 week in order to get my head into Italian mode.

I do enjoy the fact that you really can't predict life, and so long as you take a few steps in order to make it interesting, you will be rewarded. My few steps were freeing myself up enough to be able to take advantage of oportunities, putting my details on an aupair website and hey presto, new exciting oportunities come my way.

So Squinzano, little tiny town in southern Italy, a region famous for it's wine and olive oil, beaches and long warm nights, here I come. Must stock up on suntan lotion!

eeny meeny miny mo

I ended my last post with a very definite statement that I would be going to Goldsmiths University to study Sociology and Cultural Studies.

Well that might not me so.

I received and email from Durham University asking if I would be able to go to Durham to meet with the department and Mary's College. Obviously I told them that I couldn't straight away as I'm in France at the moment. I have set a meeting with them for the first week I'm back in London at the end of April. First of all I just set it as a 'why not' sort of thing. But as I have let the thought and prospect of Durham ramble in my brain it's becoming more and more attractive. There is no denying that Durham has a much better reputation than Goldsmiths. I also have a number of friends living in the 'city' and so have a house I will be able to live in for the next 2 years at least. It's also a hell of a lot cheaper than living in London.

However, it's not London and I miss my city.

I have resolved to not make the decision until I actually get a firm offer from Durham and I have been to the department and got a feel for the place. Although I have been hanging around there for the past 4 years, I've never stayed longer than about 3 weeks and I've always been on holiday or working on a play.

In other news spring is still in the valley despite a few snowy days and today I took full advantage with a 4 mile run along the river on the valley floor. Tomorrow I will do the same and perhaps even go for a swim in the afternoon. I do wish the swimming pool was open in the morning, I always prefer swimming in the morning not in the afternoon or evening, oh well. Only 25 more days to go and I will be heading back to London for a right ol' piss up in Soho.

sun makes the difference

So I think maybe my last entry was a little bitter. I was suffering from the winter blues a little. The winter is so long and so fierce here, the novelty of digging your car out from under the snow and wearing everything in your wardrobe all at one time wears off pretty quickly.

However, the winter has now warn off as well. Though even when it's cold there's a fair amount of sun here, the spring has arrived and with it the temperatures have started to climb. Last week I went for an 8k walk into the nearest town and back (getting terribly sun burnt on the way, oops) and was able to just wear a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I have also taken a few excursions over to the park in the valley which has a large lake in it as well. I've been jogging there, skipping stones on the water, watching fisherman, not skinny dipping as tempting as it is and playing on the childrens' climbing frames with G.

I also have friends here this week, they were out in Corcheval (sp?) in January but decided to come back out again this week. This time they're staying in Les Arcs, so are in the resort closest to me. I've been out skiing with them a number of times; it's so nice to be skiing with people who are the same standard as I am.

I now have less than a month left here and have my language course in Aix en Provence booked ready to start on the 9th May. I feel unsetteled, from a couple of weeks ago when things here were feeling stale, to it now feeling like my time is seeping away and I must make the most of the place I'm living in at present. The next few months will move quickly as I am doing something different every 4 weeks, so before I know it, it will be Septemeber and I will be getting ready to start my degree in Sociology and Cultural Studies at Goldsmiths University.

what makes a wall?

I ran off to Annecy this week having finally done something about having a couple of days off. It was a good move as my relationship with Bourg is becoming stale and I was in danger of thinking that all of France is like this one little town. I had to get out of the valley because after a while mountains start turning themselves from picturesque scenery into walls, too high and too wide to get around. 

Things that irritate the hell out of me when it comes to French culture (these are just things that clash with my personality). 

~Food is only worth eating if that dish has a name.

~There are certain times of day for certain types of coffee or drink

~If I do something slightly odd it must be something English

~Because I cannot speak the language properly this means it's safe to assume I have no knowledge of anything.

~There is an expected way to behave for every situation. 

~The only food/wine available is the food/wine of that region. 

Things that I wish I could bag up and take back to England with me. 

~When you walk past someone, you say hello, it's rather impolite to ignore people in your presence. 

~The coffee really is so much better here. 

~You are not expected to disclose personal information, ever. 

~My apartment.

Everyday I wish I were either in London or Aix en Provence. They are both less than two months away. I arrive back in London at the end of April and head to Aix for the 9th May. They cannot come soon enough. 

mountains to the left of me, trees to the right

I've been struggling for the past couple of weeks. Struggling to stay here and to feel like I'm doing something worth while. Every time I feel like I'm struggling all I have to do is go out into town for a bit, or take a quick drive, but the frequency of these struggles is building. I also know that to think this time not worth while is ridiculous. My language skills are improving without me really having to try, just simply from using the language each and every day. As for the rest of the time, it is what I make it. No one else other than myself is responsible for this time I am spending here. I have 2 more months here, 2 months in which to do what ever it is I should want to do. 

I have been reading mini biogs of "gay greats" and been being inspired by people making a life for themselves. I often think whilst driving that it's a dangerous thing than has become an every day thing. It's a large metal cage on wheels with an explosive liquid powering it. So yes, driving is a dangerous kinda scary thing when you think of it that way, however, to be in charge of a life and solely responsible for everything that life achieves, that's a more dangerous and scary thing. These are the thoughts that occupy my vast expanses of time here. 

I would like some high energy mass social interaction, this is what I am craving. 

planing a plan

I am a compulsive planner, even though I'm actually yet to follow a plan though completely, they more sort of shape what I'm going to try and do yet. As in I planned to go to Aix en Provence to start a language course, I've actually ended up in Bourg St Maurice as an aupair. 

My most recent route is to return in September to grey noisy London (or Durham depending on offers) to study Sociology. I think I have found myself a subject that I will be really very interested in. The advantage being I have not studied it before so I will not be able to do bare minimum at no study, I will actually have to work at this one. Maybe this will be able to keep my attention long enough to graduate. 

Also, I am aware that in just over 2 months time my time in the Alps will be finished and if I am to start university in September, I have a little bit of time to fill. Here is my plan as it looks so far (though as I said above this WILL change and is merely a guide to see where life takes me). In May I will be back in London for a fortnight, then I will go to a language school in Aix until work starts in London for a bit. I then have mid July to mid September to fill. As I have been enjoying my position as an aupair and it is the cheapest way to enjoy living abroad I have been looking at families, to spend their summer holiday with, either in the south of France or in Italy. I have already found an Italian family (well it's just the father and his 15 year old son) who want an aupair to basically cook and hang around on their boat as they float round Greek islands for 2 months. I have sent them an introduction letter and they've added me to their favorites. 

Bring on the adventures. 

a busy week

The rest of the world has started invading Bourg. Last week I had F here from London, this week I have X here also from London who I've know for considerably less time. It's been a fun week even with the palaver of Easyjet not putting on his bag with brand new snow board in. 

Yesterday I got to have a go on a snowboard and though I didn't leave the baby slope, once I was moving I instantly found it a lot more fun that skiing. I am not an amazing skier but I can competently manage the red runs in the resort, however, all I have to look forward to with skiing is getting faster and being able to ski harder slopes and steeper angles. I think that learning to snowboard might just bring me a nice big challenge with lots of rewards. I have rented a board for a week but hopefully after this week I will be changing my skis to a board and off I go. 

My mother has set up a group on facebook against my 'smug updates' little do they know I've been toning them down trying not to make my life here sound like some kind of utopia, no holes bared now. Everyone can here about the beautiful family I work for, my lovely apartment, the stunning views and the general sense of well being and smugness I feel on a regular basis. (Yes there are lonely times and some boring times, but they really don't last for long and I've plenty of ways to get rid of said boredom or loneliness).

I think after this week I will be glad for a quiet week of normalcy before the resort and my apartment starts filling up over February and half term. But for now, bring on the chatins. 

chez alice

I was asked a couple of days ago where I live. I gave the name of my tiny village here "La Chal" and didn't realise that the answer they were looking for was where I live in England. But right now, I live in La Chal, not London. My clothes, books and DVDs, my food and my bed is in La Chal. I feel that my home is where I lay my head that week, perhaps one day I will have a greater bond with a specific place but right now I only attach myself to people not places. 

I miss my people quite a bit and am looking forward to a few more coming and visiting. Right now I have an old friend here in the resort near my house. It's been great having someone around from my past (we worked out we've known each other for 20 years!). I think come February half term and the weeks around then I will have a bit of an invasion and I will be able to warm my lovely flat with too much wine and food (even if it has to be cooked in the microwave).